LETTERS

Dear human,

Please join us in our efforts to address the climate in new ways--literally: write a letter to the climate and send it to us.

Write from anyone or anything: yourself, our species, another species of animal or plant, a place, a thing, an atmospheric phenomenon, your electric guitar, your favorite massage oil, Nietzsche, Al Gore, The CEO of BP, the Dalai Lama . . .

Use any form you want: prose, verse, blank verse, a list, a memo, a txt. msg., a tweet, a short story, a monologue, a jeremiad, a song, a love letter, an official complaint . . .

Any length, any language. No holds barred. No trigger warnings.

The climate looks forward to hearing from you, and so do we.

Love and thanks,

Marina, Una, Fritz, and Oliver

PS: email your contributions to us at dearclimate(at)gmail.com. If we decide to feature your contribution on this website, we’ll be in touch with you for permission.

Here’s a sampling of responses to our invitation:

Dear Climate, Hey, long time no see. We’d love to catch up with you. How about over a cup of coffee sometime this weekend? Were dying to hear what you’ve been up to lately. The 5 Extinctions (courtesy of of Peggy Estela)

TO: The Climate DATE: 21 December 2015 SUBJECT: Corrective Action This memo constitutes a formal corrective action and this document will be placed in your permanent personnel file and could be used to make decisions that effect your employment. This document identifies areas where your performance is inconsistent with what is expected. Issues 1. Lack of adherence to quarterly deadlines 2. Lack of teamwork to the point of alienating coworkers 3. Poor work ethic 4. Reckless endangerment of marginal populations 5. Inconsistent performance 6. Excessive retention of carbon dioxide 7. Volatile and stormy outbursts 8. Ocean Acidification Expectations 1. Adherence to terms of our Original Contract 2. Willingness to take responsibility for your actions 3. Willingness to take orders from superiors The performance issues identified above are not acceptable in this work place. These behaviors have a negative impact on your co-workers and ultimately our community. As a member of our team you must improve your performance and behavior to bring it into compliance with expectations. I want to be sure that you understand the importance of this issue. Failure to achieve immediate and sustained improvement in the expectation(s) outlined above may result in further corrective action, up to and including termination. As always, I will be available to assist you in answering any questions or concerns you may have. HUMAN RESOURCES DEPARTMENT (courtesy of of Peggy Estela)

Dear Climate, You're such a fucking tease. I put out my delicious creations to feed people and animals, like I do every year. Then winter comes, and I chill out and rest. Then you get all warm, really warm, and I figure it must be spring! Feels a little rushed, but that's my cue so I go with it. I start letting out the flowers so that the bees can do their business, and my new batch of yummies can get made. But then, no! It's cold again! Just kidding! Psych! It's not actually spring! We're still in the middle of winter. You go back to being cold, my gorgeous petals are shivering, bee-less, and no fucking fruit will come. I feel like a fucking idiot. Help me. I don't think my body can take this back and forth. Sincerely, The Çeliks' Plum Tree (Courtesy of Aysan Celik)

Dear Climate, Your pal algae here—wanted to let you know that I'll never forget our amazing collaboration so many years ago—we networked and off-gassed and responded to each other so well. It was unforgettable—those multiplying blankets of life and then the total lack of oxygen on your part that lead to the flagellum and then, boom: creatures! Time has passed and I can see us doing something brand new and better than ever—I'll be here for you when you're ready. Actually, I've never gone away. We can be great again together, I know—warm or cold—bring it on! I'll work with whatever you've got! xoxo a. (Courtesy of Jill Magi)

Dear Climate, What if we killed off all of our first-born? Stopped moving? Stopped time? What if we cordoned off 50% of the world from us; you take that half, we take this half? What if we offer up a unicorn for sacrifice? What if we let wolves live? Yours with hope, and great good will, Amy Dandelion Maddock

Dear Climate, Why have you become so damned unpredictable? We were getting along so well after that dreadful Ice Age episode of yours, and now this? I don’t know from one day to the next what to expect from you. What happened to normal? Was it something I said? Or did? I know I’ve been hitting the fossil fuels pretty hard lately, but we shouldn’t let that get between us. I can quit any time. Really! It’s not like I’m addicted or anything. I’m just not quite ready to give it all up yet. I’ve been under a lot of pressure lately, as you know, so I need to off-gas a little to help me cope. What’s the harm in that? I’m only human. I never said I was perfect. Oh, Climate, I loved the way we used to be together! Can’t we please just go back to the way things were? From your old pal, who MISSES you!!

Dear Climate, There was a humming, a thumping, a ticking, a whirring, a bonking, a dripping, a roaring, a piddling, a pattering, a tapping, a knocking, a dropping. A whining, a crunching, a crushing, a digging, a scratching, a rubbing. I sat under the bush for a long, long time. Ever yours, dear climate, The Sensorium

Dear Climate: Are you me? Am I you? I’m just wondering... …Us

Dear Climate, I was more than a little hurt to find out you don’t care about me. Really? After all I’ve done for the world? Remember Christ and the Buddha? Michelangelo? Quantum mechanics and modern medicine? Picasso? Actually, I’m not hurt. I am angry. If you don’t care about me, I won’t care about you. And for every hurricane you level at me, every drought you make me endure, every flood you try to intimidate me with, I WILL respond in kind. What can I do to you? Let’s start with carbon. You don’t have the stomach for carbon; carbon makes you go all crazy. Well, I have access to a limitless supply of this element, and, if pushed, I WILL bring you to your knees by releasing tons and tons of carbon into the air. And I won’t stop there. No, if you continue to ignore me, I will cut down every last tree on the planet, so that your best ally in fighting your carbon problem will be exterminated. What do you think now? Still don’t care, Climate? Keep this in mind, too: you had trees, but I have science and technology on my side. I will invent a new way to live and prosper while you go into the proverbial toilet (which didn’t exist until I invented it), overwhelmed by the carbon you can’t seem to get used to. On second thought, I don’t need you, dearest climate. I’m going to go this one alone. It’s going to be a great pleasure watching you die. Fuck you, climate. Homo sapiens

Dear Climate, I’m a little hurt, realizing you don’t care about me. I care about YOU a lot, and have been caring about you for almost a decade. I’ve read the science. I’ve read the novels. I’ve been telling the world every day that the sky is falling, and that we MUST do something about it…. So, a little empathy on your part would help. Because I don’t know how long I can go this alone. I’m tired. And who knows, maybe those who say you are OK and that we will tame you with technology are right. Maybe it’s time for me to forget about you for a while. Maybe I’ll just concern myself with human matters. Human art. Human history. Human accomplishments. Human exceptionalism. Maybe I’ll just crawl into my humanist box again, and stop caring about YOU. Yes. I think that is what I will do. Consider it done. I am going back to the bosom of my family. Fuck you, climate. Fritz

Dear Climate, Have you considered moving to another planet? Warm regards, People of Earth